Larry's Visit

Our friend Larry from college recently came to visit us for the weekend. We hadn't seen him in over a year, and of course so many major life events ago. After we lost the girls, he said that he wanted to come down and see us. It took a while to work out, but in mid-October he left the Big Apple for a relaxing weekend in Dixieland.

We packed a lot of activities into his three day trip. Here we are at the city's iconic landmark, Vulcan, looking out over Southside and Downtown. As you can see, the weather was perfect for mid-October.

Larry snapped the same shot of me and Katie. Somehow, this is the only picture Katie appears in all weekend!

After more touring of the city, we headed out to the Blind Boys of Alabama concert that evening. The BBoA have been playing for more than 60 years (!) and have recently won four Grammy awards. They sing gospel music, but as a special treat, on this tour they are playing with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band from New Orleans, so the music was a fusion of the two styles, which really made for a great concert. Have you ever seen a blind man in his 80s running through the aisles of the auditorium dancing to New Orleans style jazz music? Me neither! We had front row seats so we were in on all of the action.

After the show, Larry and Laura bought CDs and had them signed by members of the band.


Sunday was more of a relaxation day. It was also the day that Larry first discovered the joy that is the Original House of Pancakes (an establishment we would visit multiple times on this trip). Sunday night mom treated us to meatballs and baked ziti. In this picture, I think Laura is praying that she'll have all the meatballs to herself. Notice how she has positioned herself right next to them...



We also managed to find time to go through the Sloss Fright Furnaces haunted steel furnace (scary even when it's not turned into a haunted house!) and toured Rickwood Field, the oldest baseball field still in operation in America.

Of course we also showed him photos and items from the girls, and talked a lot about all that has happened. It is always helpful when we can tell our story and talk about Claire and Sarah. It is important to keep remembering them and sharing their story, and we're so glad we got the opportunity to do so with Larry.

Now we're looking forward to returning the favor with a visit to NYC sometime soon. While we have both been there at least a couple of times (Katie more than me), I've never really had the time to "do it right" and have a local show me around the neighborhoods. Hopefully we'll get a chance to do it before too long.

Mom's Move to Bama

In early October, my mom made a big change - having retired over the summer, she decided she no longer wanted to live in the northern VA area, and moved down here to Birmingham!

It was a whirlwind affair - I flew up to VA on a Thursday night after work. On Friday, we picked up the rental truck and packed the truck with all of mom's worldly posessions. We were on the road by 6:30am Saturday morning. The moving crew was me, mom, Dana and Cesar, and between us we were taking the moving truck and mom's car the 725 miles from Bristow, VA to Birmingham, AL.

We could not have asked for a better road trip. The scenery was lovely as we followed the mountains the entire way (trivia: the Birmingham area is the southern end of the Appalachian Mountains). We went through Virginia, Tennessee, a corner of Georgia, and finally ended up in Alabama, for a total time of under 14 hours, not bad considering we had The Penske Whale and stopped for lunch (and for gas a bazillion times, what with the 10 mpg or so...).

Fun road trip facts:

• Number of vehicles: 2
• Number of vehicles whose Check Engine lights came on: 2
• Number of vehicles for which we ignored the Check Engine light: 2
• Number of Dunkin Donuts Fran can eat in a single road trip: at least 6, supplies ran out
  
• Number of vehicles that feel like they are going to vibrate apart at 75 mph: 1
• Number of sets of batteries we went through for the two-way radios: 4
• Winner of the "Guess how many Penske trucks we'll see on this road trip?": Mom
• Number of Penske trucks we saw: 28
• Person most ready to be a truck driver if he needs a second career: Cesar
  
• College football team whose fans all seem to really need to go to the bathroom: Virginia Tech (the lines at the rest stop were ridiculous!)
• Person who will guess every single movie star you try in the "guess the famous person that has these initials" game, no matter how obscure: Dana

Once arriving in Birmingham, we made a beeline for Jim N Nicks BBQ, for some much-deserved dinner. The next day, we moved mom into her apartment (I having wisely decided to hire help to do the unpacking of the truck).

Cesar headed back to VA that evening, and Dana spent Monday helping mom unpack before heading back herself. Now mom is officially an Alabama resident (and wow, is that a mug shot on her license or what?!) She seems to be settling in well. She's been to the library so many times already I hear they are thinking of naming it after her. (It is a pretty fantastic library, though). She's been lost in the car several times, and to her credit, she has never had to call for help getting home!

Katie and I immediately started receiving the benefits of this arrangement - home cooking! We are over there for dinner at least one weeknight each week and mom comes to the house on the weekends for dinner with friends. We've also done some movie nights, art fair outings and other excursions. Mom is enjoying the nice weather (70s all this week) and the leaves are beginning to change for the fall as well. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that mom is turning into a techie - I gave her an old computer of mine to give her something new to learn in all of her free time, and she's taken to it like a fish to water! She's emailing, chatting, watching news videos, Googling, the whole nine yards.

Unfortunately, we didn't think to take any pictures of this big adventure, so I don't have any fun ones to post. But, I still wanted to record it in the blog for posterity. So, welcome to Alabama, mom!

Our Summer and a Healing Trip to Minnesota

Katie and I recently decided that we would like to continue blogging again, after taking a hiatus as we work through the events of the summer. It's a bit difficult to figure out quite how to restart blogging after going through such a tremendous life-changing experience. On the one hand, we don't really want to make this blog specifically about loss or grief. On the other hand, the loss of Claire and Sarah and all of the associated events and feelings of this summer are a part of us every day and everything we do now, so it would be odd to simply continue blogging without talking about it. We'll try to find the right balance as we go along.

Since we haven't blogged for most of the summer, an update is in order. Our summer has been long, at times trying and draining, with lots of twists and turns and ups and downs. We continue to receive tremendous support from friends, family and co-workers. Our donation program to honor Claire and Sarah has been an amazing success, already raising thousands of dollars for the folks at the UAB RNICU. We have kept in contact with them throughout the summer, and they have been very appreciative of all of the donations - they get together and discuss the donation program often and are so touched by all of you who have donated. Katie and I would like to express our thanks as well, this program has been a bright, shining, positive thing for us to latch onto this summer, and it has really been comforting. Katie and I are managing - good days and bad days - but also some happy memories of our girls and appreciation for how they changed us and strengthened our relationship even further. As I mentioned in the last post, it will be a long journey for us and in a lot of respects we're still at the beginning of that road, but so far, we are navigating it pretty well.

Day to day life is slowly creeping back to something resembling routine. We are both back to work now. Our parents, who all rushed here to help us through all of this, got us back on our feet so that we were able to manage for ourselves as the summer went on. We had some projects done on the house and yard, and even managed to get away for a bed and breakfast weekend in July and host our friends Dan and Michelle and their daughter Lily in August (we'll blog about that in the near future).

Katie's medical recovery continues with more progress than setbacks, though more complicated than either of us would have liked. She is doing really well all things considered. We've had a lifetime's worth of health care experiences this year, and we've certainly learned a lot - good and bad - about doctors and hospitals and insurance and medical conditions and more. We are fortunate that we have the education and the resources to get through this minefield, but we have spent a lot of time thinking about the state of affairs and wondering how others less fortunate than us manage it. It's clearer now than ever before how much work needs to be done in this arena. Back on a personal note, we're not out of the woods yet, but Katie is doing really well and is being such a trooper!

With Katie starting to feel better, we got the green light to travel and decided that the first trip we wanted to make was to St. Paul, Minnesota, to visit our family and the many friends we have there from Katie's past. So in early September, we flew up to see the Richards clan...

We packed a lot of activities into our trip. The picture above was taken at a Greek food festival where we met up with aunt Judy and uncle Ken. Besides the tasty food, we also enjoyed dancing with the kids and watching Eleanor go down the inflatable slide very bravely (and bouncily!)

We also found lots of time to enjoy the outdoors. We all took turns at riding the "Phony Pony"...


I'm sparing everyone the pictures of all of the adults trying it out, but it was fun! Ben provided some Inclement Weather Grilling...


...and when the weather cleared, Eleanor showed off her new wheels...


A trip to the Mall of America and the kiddie rides within gave Katie more than she bargained for...


And at night, out came the shenanigans...


We also spent a day with our friends Danielle and Chad and their family in nearby Maple Grove, and had a dinner with 4 of Katie's high school friends in uptown over in Minneapolis.

On the last day of our trip, we held a special ceremony for Sarah and Claire. Earlier in the summer, Katie and I decided to spread their ashes in all of the places that would be special to them, where we have family or where we would have traveled together. This trip was our first opportunity to do it, so we asked our family to think of a special place that we could do a ceremony where we could always go back and visit. Ben picked a tree overlooking the lake atop a hill in the nearby park, where he used to sit with Eleanor when she was a baby. It was the perfect location...



So on a rainy Sunday morning, we walked to the park and held a simple ceremony to honor and remember Sarah and Claire. I know that we will visit that spot whenever we go back to Minnesota and think about all of the fun adventures the girls would have had. It was a hard thing for us to do, but at the same time, very much a healing event.

We are both so glad we had the opportunity to go on this trip and spend this time with family and friends, which are more important to us now than ever. And also, just the act of taking the trip, of being healthy enough to travel and fly and have the energy to enjoy it, was a major step for us, another measuring stick on this recovery road. For Katie and I, the Minnesota trip was comforting and healing and energizing and affirming.

So that brings the blog back up to speed. Moving forward, we don't really know how it will all play out. We'll probably have plenty to blog about - Fran's mom is retiring here in just a few weeks! For the first time in either of our post-college lives, Katie and I will have family living nearby. It will be very nice to have her here, and I know we'll have lots of fun introducing mom to Alabama (and Alabama to mom - watch out!)

So we'll continue to blog, sometimes maybe a more serious tone, sometimes a more lighthearted tone (like if we blog about tonight's dinner - ever heard a mariachi band play Pink Floyd? Didn't think so!). You can expect that there will be lots more travel and adventure for us. Our future is a lot less certain than we were expecting it to be, but that doesn't mean we're not going to live life to the fullest like we always have. It's just that now, Sarah and Claire are a part of our lives, and as we move forward, we'll continue to work through it and figure out how best to integrate that into our experience. We just don't know exactly what that's going to look like for the next little while. You'll have to stay tuned. :-)

Claire Anne and Sarah Jane Fabrizio

On June 11th, at the start of the 25th week of pregnancy and following a series of medical complications that led to two separate hospitalizations for Katie, an emergency delivery of our identical twin girls had to be performed in response to a sudden change in the health and safety of the babies.

Claire Anne (1 lb. 3 oz.) and Sarah Jane (1 lb. 7 oz.) were born at 11:49pm. Our little Claire did not survive the birth. Sarah did survive and was immediately placed in the NICU. For three days she fought to stay with us, but on June 14th at 12:40pm she passed away.

This post won't contain any answers or explanations, because there are none. Medically, the doctors cannot pinpoint a cause, other than the general knowledge that identical twins are often a risky proposition. The babies were monitored extremely closely during the entire pregnancy and especially during the hospitalizations, and everything within the limits of technology indicated that the babies were healthy. Spiritually, these events make even less sense, and we will never be able to know or understand why it happened.

What we are certain of is that these two little girls have changed their mom and dad forever. The six months we spent getting to know them, and the far too short time we had with them after they were born, have left an indelible mark on both of us, and have taught us more about life and love than we ever imagined possible. Although this is never how anyone imagines becoming a parent, and although the pain of their loss is terrible and completely unfair, that we got to know them at all and have them in our lives was a gift of the greatest kind.

There are many people who have rallied around us and provided comfort. Our family, friends and co-workers have all been wonderful and give us a support network that lifts us up and helps get us through each day. We are so fortunate to be surrounded by all of you.

In this post, we especially would like to thank all of the medical personnel who have been involved in our care, and in particular the members of the UAB Hospital RNICU Bereavement Team. This is a team within the RNICU who, in addition to their regular jobs as nurses, technicians, and other support personnel, have volunteered to provide support to parents who have suffered perinatal loss. Two of the countless examples of their service are Chaplain Ginger, who performed two memorial services for our girls on short notice and nurse Juliet, who lovingly bathed, clothed and photographed our daughters.

One of the most meaningful things they did for us was prepare memory boxes for Claire and Sarah containing photos, hand and footprints, books of poetry and many of the handmade dresses and blankets that our girls wore. These may sound like simple gestures, but to us, these are the few, precious things and experiences that we have as keepsakes from our short time together with our daughters. Without them, our journey over the past weeks would have been immeasurably more painful. The UAB RNICU doctors, nurses and staff treated our girls like their own daughters, caring and fighting for them with an incredible level of professionalism, compassion and genuine love.

In looking for ways to honor and memorialize our daughters, Katie and I immediately agreed that we would like to do something to help these amazing people who, by virtue of working at UAB's NICU, gladly take up the challenge of helping to care for the most sick, most fragile babies from the entire state and region. Every day they work for patients and their families who are facing such long odds. I would think that such a job would have a high burnout rate, but everyone we talked to had been doing it for so long - 8 years, 10 years, 15 years. It's because they truly love what they do, and they all have a real gift for doing it.

The bereavement team has a need for funds to continue current programs and to introduce new programs for grieving parents. Katie and I feel that it would be a wonderful way to honor and remember Claire and Sarah by providing support to them. If you are interested in helping the UAB NICU Bereavement Team, you can send a check made out to "UAB Hospital" with the memo stating "in memory of Claire and Sarah Fabrizio" to:

Roberta Shapiro, Director of Development
UAB Women's and Infants Initiative
FOT 1220A, 1530 3rd Ave South
Birmingham, AL 35294-3412

Roberta will personally acknowledge your donation and ensure that it is directed to the team.

As for Katie and I, we have a long and difficult journey ahead of us. We may never have answers or understand why this happened; we can only seek a sense of peace and acceptance. With time, we hope that we can, and that what we will remember most will be all of the positive ways in which Claire and Sarah changed our lives and the lives of those around us. We truly appreciate everyone's thoughts and kindness, and remain hopeful for the future, one in which we will always remember our time with our daughters, and the amazing little people that they were.

"The meaning of a person's life cannot be judged
by our limited understanding of time."

Week 22 Update

We're in week 22 now! We had the latest ultrasound on Friday, and they are really starting to look like little babies now! Both grandmas were there and had a wonderful time seeing what new technology can do, 30 years after they had their own pregnancies. :-) It's a little more advanced now. The babies looked great, they are active and growing nicely, and they are both about 13 oz. now.

Here's a tummy update (actually taken in Week 21)...


And here's a picture from yesterday, we were on our way to our friends Francis and Mercy's wedding.


That's all for now!

Pregnancy and the Magic of Blogging

Regular readers of this blog will know that it's been verrry quiet around here since February. So where did all of these posts come from that appear to be from all the intervening months?

Back in February, Katie and I found out that we were pregnant! In the weeks that followed, we gradually shared the news with family, friends and colleagues. Now, we're ready to share it on our blog. But in order for it to make sense, we wanted the events to appear in time sequence as they actually happened, rather than all at once here in May.

Blogger allows us to adjust the date of our posts, so we have adjusted the dates of all of the pregnancy related posts back in time to the point at which they actually happened. So scroll back to February to the post titled "A New Beginning..." and start reading about our pregnancy adventure!

Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

Week 20: Room renovations

We are in the process of switching the rooms around to make room for the babies. We have moved the guest bed into the office, pushed the desk into the closet, and are going to have a desk made for all of my crafty activities. We painted the room blue (Cincinnati Hotel-where do they come up with those names?) and will have the desk made when my dad visits.

We're turning the former guest room into the babies room. It's actually a pretty big room, but I figure we'll need it with the 2 cribs and all of their paraphernalia. For such little people, they sure do require a lot of stuff! Fran has done a great job painting the room with this new, no-chemical paint that is supposedly better for babies. Then we're going to have new carpet installed in the rooms. It's starting to come together! The cribs and the changing table have been ordered, but they take 8 weeks to arrive.

Thank you!

When I arrived home from work I was greeted by a surprise! There was a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a thank you card. Who could it be from? The girls! They somehow were able to write out a card to me, thanking me for giving them a cozy home. How thoughtful of them. Already, they are such good daughters.

Week 18: GIRLS!!!

Today, we found out we'll be having girls!

Week 17 Tummy Update

Week 15, Mama is Growing!

Katie's tummy is growing rapidly to make room for the two babies!

Week 13 Ultrasound

Today we had another ultrasound. This was the most fun one yet, and the babies gave us lots of great poses.

Just kicking back with their legs stretched out

We call this one the "evil monkey faces". They are clearly plotting shenanigans already.

"Hey There!"

Week 11: Starting to Show

It's early March and Katie is already starting to show! Apparently, it happens WAY earlier with twins! We are only in week 11 of the pregnancy. We were planning on waiting a few more weeks before sharing the news generally, but I think the babies are going to make the decision for us!

Week 8: Holy moly!

When we went in for our 8 week ultrasound we were given some unexpected news! The purpose of the visit was to confirm a heartbeat, so imagine our surprise when the technician said "Oh, there's the heartbeat and oh, there's the second heartbeat!" Our first reaction was to start laughing- it was not at all what we ever expected!

TWINS!

Because the twins were in the same gestational sac, they are identical. Identical twins are a random event that occurs 1 out of every 250 pregnancies. It has nothing to do with heredity either- only fraternal twins run in families. Our twins share a placenta but are in their own amnion, making them what is called mono-di twins (for their one placenta and 2 amniotic sacs). It's the most common type of identical twin. The world of twins is foreign to me, so I'm excited to be a part of it now!

2008 Great Backyard Bird Count

Katie and I just completed our count for the 2008 GBBC. Here are the results:

Species	Count
Mourning Dove	4
Red-bellied Woodpecker	1
Downy Woodpecker	1
American Crow	2
Carolina Chickadee	2
Tufted Titmouse	2
Red-breasted Nuthatch	1
White-breasted Nuthatch	1
Brown-headed Nuthatch	2
Carolina Wren	2
Eastern Bluebird	2
American Robin	13
Northern Mockingbird	1
Yellow-rumped Warbler	1
Eastern Towhee	1
Dark-eyed Junco	1
Northern Cardinal	2
House Finch	3
American Goldfinch	13

If you want to participate, you still have all day today and tomorrow! Visit http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/

Here's a recent shot of one of our friends. She made another appearance today so that she could be counted (along with her hubby).

A New Beginning...

Last year, Katie and I began thinking about starting a family. With Katie's school and licensing finally finished, we felt that we were ready to enter into this next phase of our life together. Recently, Katie and I received the news that we had been wanting to hear by way of a positive pregnancy test (ok, -several- positive pregnancy tests - we're skeptical by nature!) - we were on our way to starting our family!

A trip to the doctor soon confirmed...


Yep, there sure was a little peanut in there already on its journey! And there it is, our baby's very first picture! (Yes, it's QUITE abstract!)

How exciting and wonderful! We are both so thrilled about being pregnant. For many years we have talked and imagined and hoped and dreamed about what it would be like to one day have our family and all of the fun times we will have and amazing experiences we will share, but now to know that we are actually on our way, it feels so much more real.

Of course we are also apprehensive and nervous about the weeks and months ahead and all of the challenges they may bring. We have the best medical care we could ask for here at UAB, and definitely feel that we are in great hands. We are looking forward to sharing this pregnancy process with our family and friends in the coming months through words and pictures and will also happily receive all thoughts and notes of encouragement! We know this pregnancy will be an adventure (or more accurately, the adventure before the REAL adventure! :-) and definitely want to share it with everyone.

2007 Christmas #3: Back in Alabama with the Richards Clan

Right after we returned from Virginia, we received the Richards clan for a week-long visit! The girls got right down to entertaining everyone.


...and then they hit the grocery store for provisions.


One of our first stops was the McWane Science Center. Here Aunt Katie is being silly with Ellie in the funhouse.


There was something for everyone there - the adults were into the train display.

The girls explored all of the fun exhibits and experiments!


The guys were worn out afterwards. ZZZZZ.....


Meanwhile, the Christmas tree magically got replenished with another set of gifts!

Much of the weekend was spent in playtime. It got downright silly!



When it was time for the gift opening, Santa Eleanor was very helpful as she assisted Grandpa Loren with his present.


I seeeee you!!!!!!


Later in the visit we spent a great day exploring Oak Mountain State Park. Here, three generations of Richards women hit the trail!


What a good-looking bunch!


A quiet moment for dad and daughter atop Oak Mountain.


Nighttime is games time! Grandpa and Ellie worked on their tic tac toe skills....


...while we hit the Blokus hard! Blokus by the fireplace quickly became a tradition on this trip.


On the last day of the visit, we hit the local woods and I introduced the family to geocaching. We even hid our own geocache.


Finally, we sent them off with a big pasta and meatball dinner!


And finally, our Christmas season came to an end. It was certainly festive, and we got to see both families which was a real treat. Hopefully everyone enjoyed our company as much as we enjoyed theirs! Until next year...

2007 Christmas #2: Virginia

The actual Christmas holiday was spent with my family in Virginia this year. It was really nice to get some quality time with them. Usually around this time of year they are super busy because of their retail jobs, but they actually managed to get a lot of time off, so we were able to just relax and hang out with my mom, sister, Cesar and Enzo.

So, as Christmas approached, stockings were hung by the chimney with care....


... in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


Although some of the gift choices that St. Nick brought seemed to be for slightly younger folks. We didn't mind!

After a -marathon- gift opening morning/afternoon, we were zonked...


...but we rallied later that day in time to meet Cesar's parents. Even though they mostly speak Spanish, we turned to the universal language - games! We played Uno and Jenga.

We also remembered to get the family picture. Here it is! Cesar and Enzo, welcome to the blog!


We had lots of other adventures too - most notably the Christmas eve dinner at the Japanese steakhouse with the rookie chef and his comedy of errors - but we weren't so good about remembering to take pictures. Nonetheless, it was a great trip and a great Christmas!

Christmas 2007 #1 - Just Us in Alabama

We started Christmas early (noticing the theme on all of our holidays?) by celebrating at home the week before the actual event. It was a low-key celebration, with just the gifts for each other being exchanged. Here's our tree...

That same week we hosted a small holiday party. We had our friends over for a dirty santa gift exchange. Here, Laura, Katie, Scott and Kristen debate the relative merits of the gifts that were up for grabs!


After that, Katie led the gang through a craft project, while I turned out lattes on my brand new Gaggia espresso machine that Katie gave me for Christmas!

After the gift opening and the party, it was time to relax. That's when we found out another use for the stockings after they are emptied Christmas morning...

Next up, Christmas in Virginia!

Oh the Weather Outside is.....Delightful?

The weather has been ridiculously nice all week, with high temps in the 70s. Yet another perk to living in the south! I've been in short sleeves for a week now, and our annual christmas tree cutting trip was more like a spring day in the park.


Alas, all good things must come to an end, and the return of seasonal weather is upon us. Sunday's high is in the mid-40s. It was fun while it lasted!